MAY
13
2006
The SSLC (Secondary School Leaving Certificate) examination results were declared today. Radio Mirchi 93.3 FM, the new private radio channel in Bangalore tried to cash in on the accompanying frenzy by announcing that those who have scored 93.3% in the exam would get special gifts, provided they were among the first 'n' to call in or leave a message (I forgot the value of 'n'. Was it 3? Or 5? Uh, never mind). Of course, the claimants would need to produce the appropriate proof to collect the gifts. Good thinking I would say.
However, I am not sure whether the percentage had to be exactly 93.3 or whether anything between 93.3 & 93.4 was fair enough. I am also unsure whether rounding off was allowed - would 92.9999 qualify? So agonizingly close! If rounding off was indeed permitted, then would 93.99 be acceptable? Seeing these grey areas, I am inclined to believe that the folks at Radio Mirchi would be better off by demanding exactitude. But that would in turn mean that a student needs to have scored 583.125 marks (out of the grand total of 625) which is impossible. So what did Radio Mirchi do? I presume they settled for 583 (93.28%). Anyway, I didn't bother following this till the end - so no concrete answers there.
Come to think of it, Radio City 91 FM, the first private radio channel in Bangalore could also have put forward a similar scheme. They wouldn't need it though. Poor AIR (All India Radio) - the public radio station could do no such thing as the frequency at which they broadcast is 101.3 FM :-). Not that it would have helped, for the quality of their content (vis-à-vis the private channels) is pathetic.
Tags :
Bangalore, Humour
Posted by Rajat @ 10:28 PM
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AUG
15
2005
VapourWare Unlimited
World-class fuzzy solutions
Are you being troubled by pesky 'contacts' who inundate you with inane instant messages when you are rather busy? Do you find yourself unequal to the task of communicating effectively & impressively with your peers & superiors? Presenting BusyBuddy Instant Messaging Enhancements - a suite of cross-platform plugins which is guaranteed to be the panacea to all your IM complaints. BusyBuddy is the perfect supplement to boost the quality of your Instant Messenger so that your life online remains hassle-free.
The technology
BusyBuddy is a kind of middle layer between your messenger & you. It works with all the popular messaging clients across all platforms. BusyBuddy has at its core a fuzzy logic driven engine which intercepts your keyboard & mouse events and keeps track of the pressure & frequency accompanying these. Then using the MoodMeter (patent pending) technology, it generates a 7x7 matrix consisting of various parameters like current weather conditions, current status of the target & various other random & probabilisitic values reduced to their fuzzy equivalents. The inverse of the same is generated to accurately gauge your current mood based on which an appropriate response is sent. The responses are chosen from a humongous database of seemingly witty repartees with the most appropriate one being chosen by a set of complex algorithms. All this so that you can sit back & relax - let BusyBuddy manage your messages while you utilise the time thus freed to make a quick visit to dreamland, ogle at attractive colleagues or even for actually doing some work.
The company
VapourWare Unlimited is a start-up based in the New Lake Village area, right in the heart of Bangalore, the Silicon Valley of India. We specialise in development of fuzzy & intangible software solutions for corporates. Our products are specially geared towards helping our clients achieve total employee satisfaction so as to enable greater increase in productivity which ultimately leads to more profits. Our motto is "Always keep your fingers crossed & hope for the best".
Product Features
Security
All message transfers are encrypted by default using the popular & unbreakable Digital Fortress encryption algorithm which makes use of mutation strings to produce indecipherable gibberish for any eavesdroppers.
Status Messages
You may have noticed that when you haven't shown any online messaging activity for some time your messenger begins to show the time for which you have been idle along with a prominent status message. This may be interpreted to mean a serious lack of communication skills which may have a deleterious effect on your career. Hence BusyBuddy makes sure you are never idle in the chat landscape by frequently updating your status with random & sometimes witty messages like High (3rd Floor), Too busy to respond etc. You can also choose the theme for your session from a variety of status message themes.
Auto-reply
This is by far the most important function of BusyBuddy. Auto-reply enables you to free up valuable time for other important tasks by taking up the onus of replying to all your messages, irritating or otherwise. The best part here is that all such transactions are transparent to you, the end-user. You also have the option of actually being entertained by the same automated conversations by using the easy-to-use wizard to set it all up.
Here are two actual conversation samples obtained during usability testing for BusyBuddy's auto-reply feature:-
Boss : Is the sub-optimal strategies evaluation report ready?
BusyBuddy : I am waiting for more input from the control group for graphical depiction of the thought processes behind the sub-optimal strategy decisions in incorporated entities. Will take some time.
Boss : Oh, all right. Carry on. Keep up the good work.
Friend : I have a bad feeling about today's match. You know the gut feelings I generally have, right?
BusyBuddy : Are you by any chance talking about your gas problem?
FAQ
Q : Why the name BusyBuddy?
A : The name is partly a reflection of its origins in the constant appearance of busy status messages. The other inspiration is the word 'busybody' which refers to anyone who meddles in other people's business which is precisely what our suite does - intercept messages meant for our users & perform the desired actions.
Q : Being so feature rich, why don't you make it a full fledged messaging client?
A : We want to leverage existing infrastructure to derive optimum benefit both for customer & end user. Hence we decided to build a suite of plugins rather than a messaging client.
Q : I want to purchase BusyBuddy. Where do I go?
A : Thank you for your interest. BusyBuddy is currently in beta testing. We still have a few minor glitches (one of them being response routing mismatch which basically means that messages intended for your sweetheart maybe sent to your boss & vice versa) to sort out before we can release it for public consumption. Be patient till then. If you would like to receive regular updates about BusyBuddy's status, leave your email ID with us along with any positive feedback you might have.
Q : I don't believe you OR I hate you for unspecified reasons.
A : We always respect & value feedback from our target audience. If you have any reason to be dissatisfied with our claims or software, please leave your comments along with your email ID. We will get back at you by forwarding all the unsolicited messages we receive to your inbox.
This post is my protest against the constant indifference to my repeated attempts at online conversation with some of my contacts, the cause for which is supposed to be their various degrees of 'busy-ness'. After being constantly snubbed, I decided to profit from my frustration by converting it into a 'business opportunity with a social cause', so as to alleviate the sufferings of kindred souls facing a similar predicament.
Tags :
Blogger Days, Humour, The Binary Files
Posted by Rajat @ 8:30 PM
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JUN
10
2005
After much coaxing & cajoling by my mother, I finally decided to clean up my wardrobe. During the process, I unearthed several woven treasures (more or less forgotten) collected during my stay at NITK. Quiz Club members of NITK will remember the club gown which we obtained last year. Well, this is not actually a gown (for me, it is one, definitely) - this is a T-shirt with a collar. Now, that seems to remind me of something. Hmmmm. Ah! Got it. Statements adhering to the format - "This is not [something]...this is [qualified 'something', which is actually 'something' itself but described more accurately!]" - are actually idiomatic expressions popular among the members of this clique called EBGF, short for Eighth Block Ground Floor. Membership is strictly on the basis of the location of one's room - the lucky ones being obviously the residents of the ground floor of the 8th hostel block. It all started with their T-shirt whose front read "This is not a shirt...", with the back saying "...this is a T-shirt" along with a Microsoft Word Clip Art cartoon of some character getting a brainwave - the one with the bulb lighting up. I suppose the originator chanced upon the idea in a moment of epiphany - "Omigod! This is not a shirt - this, this, this is a T-shirt!!! Of course, why didn't I think of this before? Eureka! Eureka!". One Lifetime Achievement Award here, please. Now where was I? Yeah, the Quiz Club T-shirt - too big, way too big (must be something like XXXXXXL).
I also found the Incident 2002 T-shirt - this one has become unwearable after just 2 to 3 washes - it looks as if it has been used in a 4-way tug of war between unequally matched parties. Now don't take that as a testimony of my washing skills which I have honed to a nicety over the years. The front is pretty decent with a nice photo of the college. But the fundae at the back reduce its wearability drastically. I wonder why they put the 'KRECian philosophy' & the rest of the stuff on a T-shirt which was also supposed to be sold to people from other colleges. The 2003 & 2005 Incident T-shirts are pretty decent, except for their black colour which makes them quite unfit for the hot-n-humid Mangalore weather. I think the Incident 2004 shirt was the worst of the lot. I am grateful to the erstwhile comps CR (Swaroop Joshi) who managed to get refunds of the T-shirt money for the whole class.
Thankfully, I never bought any of the Crrescendo(sic) T-shirts whose designs have been nothing short of atrocious - glaring yellow on dark blue (or was it black?), this year's comical one with the PG biker almost racing the Final Year one and the other years' bikers lagging behind the PG fellow (who are they kidding?) - all this in various gross shades of colours available in the visible spectrum.
The ACM (Association for Computing Machinery) T-shirt I got in the International Collegiate Programming Contest at Kanpur was supposed to be of size XL. On wearing it, I found out that it accentuates my biceps very well - need I say more?
For some time, I did toy with the idea of getting rid of some of these garments. But I have this marked disinclination towards disposal of objects having some sentimental value. So, in spite of my carping, they get to stay, as memorabilia, in a corner of my wardrobe at the very bottom of the pile - my emotional baggage in a state of perpetual desuetude.
Tags :
Blogger Days, Humour, Life
Posted by Rajat @ 10:17 PM
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JUN
2
2005
All these years, my attempts at writing have been pretty sporadic. Except for the biannual essay writing during the exams (my favourite topic in any language being environmental pollution), I rarely used to write anything just for the sake of it.
I remember my first writing attempt, at the age of 9 or thereabouts. The details of the story I had written are pretty hazy now, but it was about a man who buys some food & a milk shake (of all potable liquids, he had to buy a milk shake?!) for lunch, but decides to give it away to a beggar in the end. Quite touching and quixotic, I must say.
The second time was when the class had been asked to write anything, anything at all to fill a page. I wrote this piece about a boy who is feeling pretty bored and lonely in his holidays & his busy parents can't take time off from work to be with him. It ended happily though, with the parents deciding to take the protagonist on a trip to Montana. Montana's spectacular scenery was not the reason why it was chosen (by me, of course) as the destination. White Water Terror, one of Nancy's adventures (from her case files, actually) was set in Montana. Nancy who? Nancy Drew, who else? (How many adventure-seeking girls called Nancy did you know at the age of 12?) Those were the times when I used to lap up all the Drew books I could lay my hands on. At last count I had read around 60 of them and the last one I read was "The Wedding Day Mystery", which I read, believe it or not, 3 years ago. It lasted for an hour and left me wondering how I could have been crazy about those books (My roommate mistook the book to be one of the must-reads I had been raving about & eagerly read through it. Needless to say, he was left with serious doubts about my literary tastes). Well, my composition was pretty decent & the teacher appreciated it. The following year we were asked to do a similar exercise & I submitted the same thing. This time the teacher (a different one, though) ridiculed me saying that I had been asked to write a story, not narrate an incident (Yes, ma'am. What was I supposed to do? Retell the moral stories about the crow & the pitcher or the hare & the tortoise (reminds me of "Godel, Escher and Bach" which I am currently reading - more about this some other time), like I was some 13-year old Aesop? (that is, if Aesop was as precocious as that) ).
Last year I made my third attempt. On a hot Surathkal afternoon, our portly(?) Engineering Economics lecturer (who has the potent blessings of Hypnos, the Greek god of sleep) was droning on in our stuffy classroom. Mass hypnosis was already in progress. I suppose it was Venu who was checking out one of Barron's word lists (which incidentally had words beginning with 'M'). In a valiant attempt to avoid being lured into the realm of Morpheus (the Greek god of dreams and the son of Hypnos), I used all the words (15 of them) present in the exercise associated with the list to write a small piece which is more or less reproduced below :-
The adventurer struggled against the miasma rising from the swamp. The death of his companion had been a mischance - an encounter with the ectoplasmic misanthropes of the marshes & the resulting melee - it must have been painful, very painful. But this was no time for mawkish feelings over his dead fellow adventurer. He rowed ahead faster and as he did so, strains of mellifluous music fell upon his ears. Mesmerised by the notes emanating from the trees ahead, he rowed harder. What he did not know was that the music was an auditory mirage created by the evil imps of the swamp. These militants mentored in the dark arts by the Satan himself, were by no means mediocre & were reputed to be extremely meticulous when it came to flaying their opponents. Earlier the adventurer had branded them 'the menial minions of the Devil'. This was no misdemeanour & he would pay dearly for it.
Quite good, considering that my eyelids were in the process of turning leaden.
And that, was a constituent of my extended fourth attempt.
P.S. Hope to keep this going on for as long as I can. Amen.
Tags :
Blogger Days, Humour, Writing
Posted by Rajat @ 10:28 PM
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MAY
30
2005
I came back yesterday morning. I suppose I was the last Bangalorean to leave NITK. I had a tough time getting a seat on a Bangalore bound bus. Out of the 150 odd buses run by private operators & another 50 or so buses run by KSRTC, not a single one seemed to have seats for Saturday night. Even the Sunday afternoon & night buses had been booked to capacity. The reason for this was supposed to be the summer vacations coming to an end. Wonderful! This was all I needed! Thankfully, some extra buses were added and so, here I am.
I felt pretty bad leaving the place which had been my "home away from home" (Mr.Hosadurga's quote, for which I have this to say - yeah, right) the past 4 years. I could almost hear strains of the song Pal by KK playing inside my head.
Hum rahe ya na rahe kal
Kal yaad aayenge yeh pal
Pal yeh hain pyar ke pal
Chal aa mere sang chal
Chal soche kya, choti si
Hain zindagi
Kal mil jaye, toh hogi
Khush naseebi
How can I forget those high-fives & hugs with which we used to greet each other! What about playing blindman's buff in the lawns, preparing at least a week in advance for the sessionals, strumming guitars, singing in the classrooms (sniff)... Excuse me, while I wipe away these tears (sniff) - my keyboard (sniff) is getting wet (sniff)...
Crash!!!
ROTFL
Before you begin to think that I have slipped into nostalgia-induced hysteria or something similar, let me assure you, apart from a sore throat, I am feeling quite good & would have felt better if there had not been this 'professionally managed' monumental disaster called "Pal - The Last of the KRECians" or whatever it is called (A rafflesia by any other name would smell as bad). This 407 MB, 40 minute video is supposed to be a reminder of our golden days at NITK. This abomination was directed by some local 'professional photographers' whose claim to fame(?) is some Kannada serial. Having watched quite a few of these serials, I can tell you that the hallmarks of an average Kannada serial are these:- no trace of a plot, overacting, facial contortions intended to induce laughter (You end up suspecting that the actors are suffering from constipation & about the 'inducing laughter' part - well, you can't laugh when you are retching, can you?) and a host of other aspects about which the less said the better.
Coming to the plot of the video... Wait! What plot?
Other deplorable elements of the video include glaring spelling mistakes ('thankfull', 'remmber'(?)), the "Mangalyam" track from "Saathiya" being played in the background while a student is praying in the temple (kuchch bhi, haan?)... I can't even recollect all of them & viewing the video once again just for completing this post isn't exactly a prospect I relish - so judge for yourself the obnoxiousness of the said production while I sign off, fuming.
Tags :
Blogger Days, Humour, Life
Posted by Rajat @ 3:07 PM
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